From our conservative world in the past, we are now becoming more and more liberated as people achieve more freedom to speak out and do what they want to. Sex particularly premarital sex is becoming a very well-known topic all over the world as early as teenagers’ years. The commercialization of sex all over the world has brought more and more pressure to people whether they’ve done it or not. Though sex is can be a way to show love and affection to someone, it should not be a requirement for a relationship to last. As of today, many cases of sexually transmitted diseases (STD) are brought about by premarital sex or having sex with more than one person or having unsafe sex. At this case, you may want to refrain or abstain from having sex with someone to protect yourself from STDs or from getting pregnant, to stand by your beliefs, respect your parents’ desires, or simply just not ready yet. Even married couples could opt to refrain from having sex with their partner sometimes. It just needs to be done right and seriously to be able to do it.
Consider this; sex must not be done in rush for consequences can take part for the rest of your life. Tell him what you feel. Men have lower risk in sex than women. Women are the one to end up with a big tummy when we get pregnant. You can say NO by simply saying whatever you feel towards him. You can explain your fear, your beliefs, your doubts or whatever it is that is bothering you. You may want to save your virginity for marriage but just be frank to tell it to him.
Don’t let societal peer pressure push you to do it. Keep in mind that there are people who are just “all talk” in which whatever they say may not be actually what they do or somewhat an exaggeration of that. Don’t let yourself fall in the impression that since everybody’s doing it so should you. True friends are not manipulative. If they really care for you, they’ll accept you for who you are and not by doing what they told you to do.
Don’t let your lover or partner pressure you to give in to sex. This may be possible for married couple but if you’re not, you actually have all the right to decline. He might tease you saying “if you really love me, you would” which is a way for your partner to actually manipulate you. Remember that manipulation is not good for a healthy relationship. Just make him understand that saying no now would not mean a NO forever. If he really cares for you he’ll respect you and wait until you are ready. Otherwise, if he still push you to it, split it because you are not entering a relationship just for sex.
Defend and be firm in reasoning for not wishing to have sex. Right now, you have all the convincing reasons not to such as;
- fear of having STDs which is not merely AIDS but also gonorrhea, syphilis, and genital herpes,
- fear of getting pregnant because despite of having “safe sex” of proper contraceptive methods pregnancy is a very realistic outcome and you as a woman would have to bear it all unless the guy would be good enough to carry you through it all.
- Waiting until married is not wrong. Preserving the sanctity of sex by waiting until marriage is still a valid reason and no one can blame you for that. It’s actually romantic to find that you have taken care of your body for the right man at the right time.
- Respect for parents’ wishes considers that “pregnancy is a life-altering experience” which not only affects you but your whole family. Your dreams, your plans may all be altered by a simple mistake of not being able to resist someone to have sex. And you can’t blame anybody else but yourself because the decision has been yours to do it or not.
Here are some do’s and don’ts which might help out:
- When you say no, use a firm and serious voice to show your sincerity and seriousness on not doing it.
- Avoid drinking alcohol under such circumstances because alcohol can eliminate your inhibitions and may end you up having sex with undesirable partners
- Do not use kisses or physical gestures to diffuse the tension because your someone migt misinterpret your message.
- You can say no, push the person away and move out, just don’t forget to talk about it tomorrow to clear things out between the both of you.
- Keep in mind that intimacy comes in many forms and sex is not the only way nor the best way to show intimacy
- You can still say NO even with the same person.
- If you’ve had sex before, don’t use that to bully you on doing it now. You are not made to have sex with someone when they wanted you to.
- Don’t do it for others. It is much your choice as it is theirs.
To have sex with someone whether married or not is a personal decision in which the person involved should have the freedom to decide. Before you do it, think of all the possibilities you may go through and think if you are ready enough to face all the consequences that your actions may take you. The best way to avoid STDs is abstinence so it’s ok if you wait until you are sure enough with the person you’re going to do it with. Most importantly, you have to do it with someone whom you can treasure for the rest of your life, someone you care or love so much that it made you do it wholeheartedly. A person who truly loves you will understand you no matter what your reason of declining may be. Keep in mind that rushing things can bring about unexpected outcomes that can be a disaster that can change your life forever. Another thing, don’t get me wrong for implying saying NO to sex for women because normally women actually do this most of the time. But to tell you honestly, men also have their ways of saying NO to women on having sex. It may be quite mean but you might find their reasons funny.